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Sweet 16 on Friday the 13th

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My dear father, if we men married the women we deserved… we should have a very bad time of it.
~Oscar Wilde, An Ideal Husband

16 years ago today, in what could only be described as a moment of sheer insanity, Mary Elizabeth Russell agreed before God and man to take me as her husband. What began at that moment was the only purpose and direction my life has ever had. On this Friday the 13th I feel, as I did then, that I am a very lucky man.

For me the loss of my heart came as the result of a blue chair, a whim, and some french fries shared in a college diner. I had met Mary Russell in 1988 after some confusion in which my roommate and I mistakingly thought that she was the girlfriend of a guy I worked with…thankfully he turned out to be her brother and thus she became “eligible” and “dateable”. My roommate attempted unsuccessfully to date her and through that brief time I came to be attracted to her. One night we were returning from somewhere and she had a blue metal folding chair that she had borrowed from a classroom. I offered to carry it back for her and took her down to The Depot and bought her some french fries. I was in love.

Who ever lov’d, that lov’d not at first sight?
~Christopher Marlowe

A few weeks later on a late night walk I declared my affection for her at one of Tulsa’s spots for young lovers, The Bridge. She matter-of-factly informed me that she “liked me, but not in that way” and seemed rather surprised that I “liked her in that way”. Evidently following her around drooling and acting like a silly love sick pup had not clued her in to my intentions. Despite the ensuing heartbreak (man that was a long drive back to campus) I agreed to keep our “date” the following Wednesday to go see The Princess Bride. Let me tell you, The Princess Bride is an agonizing movie to sit through when you are head over heels with someone who thinks of you only as a “friend”. Soon after this Mary was overcome by my manly charms…or I wore her down with my persistence!….and she informed me that she actually did “like me in that way” and she also informed me that she had desperately wanted me to hold her hand during the movie but I, of course, was having none of that! I still had buck shot wounds from being shot down mere days before!

That Christmas we got engaged and on May 13th, 1989 at the ripe old age of 20 I committed my life to this incredible woman.

We were poor college students at the time and unfortunately didn’t have the money to have the type of wedding that I wish now we could have. Much of what we had was given to us by loving family and friends and unfortunately the good pictures of my wife and I post the “I do’s” were ruined when our photographer’s film unknowingly stripped out.

We were young and in love, however, and nothing was going to stop us from getting married. We were married in a small town here in Missouri and oddly enough ended up living just a few miles from there when we moved here to the Kansas City area 6 and a half years ago.

I can honestly say that I have no idea where the time has gone. It stupifies me to think that we’ve been married for 16 years and that we have a soon-to-be 13 year old daughter. (I also don’t know where my 110 lb body went!) I feel as young and as silly as I did way back then and any rough patches that we’ve had over the years seemed to have melted away into oblivion because all that my heart and mind recall with any clarity is the amazing companionship that this woman has given to me.

James once posted about best friends and I can say in all truth that Mary is indeed my best friend. No one “gets” me like she does and I’ve never met anyone who fits so perfectly with me. We have so many similar interests and passions and yet just enough differences to stay fascinated with each other. The best of my memories are times spent with her and I love her company, her wit, her charm, and the way that she makes me feel like I’m still the most important person in her life even after 16 years. She is more attractive to me now than she was when I first laid eyes on her and I consider myself a very blessed man.

I love you dearly, Mary. Thank you for saying “yes”, thank you for going through with it all after you said “yes”, and thank you for 16 years of loving commitment. You are the most amazing woman, companion, lover, and friend.

“He carried her to the window so that she, too, saw the view. They sank upon their knees, invisible from the road, they hoped, and began to whisper one another’s names. Ah! it was worth while; it was the great joy that they had expected, and countless little joys of which they had never dreamed…
They spoke of other things – the desultory talk of those who have been fighting to reach one another, and whose reward is to rest quietly in each other’s arms.”
~E.M. Forster, A Room With A View

39 thoughts on “Sweet 16 on Friday the 13th”

  2. Thanks Angela! Please have a safe trip today and a fun time with your dad!

  3. Happy Anniversary, Darling! Wow, you can really write, Baby! I love you forever.

  4. Congratulations! What a tenderhearted post! : )

    Great pics, too! Is that New Life I’m seeing? And, is that Annette and Carrie?

    Wow, that takes me back to Lighthouse! I remember looking up to Mary and all the cool high school girls there!

  5. Holy 80’s hair Batman!

    Holy Elton John glasses Batman!

    Congratulations guys. The 13th is the best day for weddings.

  7. 13 is our number, too, but I am very pleased to share it with you wonderful people!!!

    You’re such a good writer, Carl.

    Happy Anniversary!!! It’s obvious that you guys are met for each other. Your love for one another shines through!! May God richly bless your home, above and beyond all that you can ask or imagine, for the next 16 years!!!!

  8. Yes Melissa, that is New Life and it is Annette and Karen….and the little girl is my sister Abby!

    Thanks James, I was crying I was laughing so hard when I read your comments! Mary was cracking up too.

    I look at all my old pics and I was super skinny and had these giant Big Bird glasses!!! Too funny. Our wedding album cracks me up. Mary had the late 80’s curl going on, my brother had the cool-guy mullet, and those dresses!!!

  9. Thanks Julie, we feel the same way about you guys!

    Thanks Adamant!

    I’m still cracking up about the ‘Holy’ comments!

  11. Read James’ comments and look at those dorky pics and it’ll turn them to tears of laughter…

  13. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY GUYS!! I emailed you both at work but you probably aren’t there anyway, are you?

    I’m surprised your 110 lb body could hold the weight of all that glass! Remember the hot dogs that baked themselves on your car? Also, forgetting to throw the birdseed!! What a great time!

    Well, congrats and I’m really proud of you.

  14. Aw, happy anniversary. Thank goodness it’s no longer the 80s (and pity isn’t it that anyone had to get married during that decade! we can burn the rest of our pics, but those have a tendency to stick around for a while…maybe that’s why the divorce rate climbed so rapidly!). You guys are way cuter now, what a sweet family you have.

  15. Here are some funny marriage quotes:

    The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.”
    – S. T. Coleridge

    “When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.”
    – Sacha Guitry

    I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
    – Groucho Marx

    “A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.”
    – Zsa Zsa Gabor

  16. Thanks Anne….at least I assume I should say thanks! 🙂

    Thanks Jay…the cuteness factor has alot to do with the previous pictures…they are so shockingly 80’s that any more recent pics seem like a major improvement! I told my wife that we have to tell our daughter to buy a more classic, simple, elegant dress that will stand the test of time in pics!

    Love the quotes Abby. I found some pretty funny ones myself when looking. I may post some later when we get home. (we are on Abby’s computer because we decided to stop by and play with their dog on our way from the movie…he’s such a cutie!)

  17. Happy Anniversary you two! Dad and I send you our love and best wishes. I’m so thankful that you are still so much in love. We can tell just being around you! I think we were all several pounds lighter back then-oh for the good old days! 110lbs. is way to skinny,Carl. We all had the huge glasses back then, such was the style. Have a great day.

  19. Thanks mom…yes, we were all a little bit lighter then…although my glasses probably weighed a good 10 lbs all on their own!

    Thanks Jamie!

  21. Thanks Jenn See, hope your eye is getting better and that you are feeling better.

  24. Belated congrats! What a beautifully appropriate tribute!

    Now….on to business matters. Perhaps we can use the takings from Nostalgico and move into the movie producing business. I hear there’s an interesting new script doing the rounds ;~)

  25. Yes! I would point the curious to your site for today’s post!

  27. I watched Superman The Movie with my kids last night. They have Christopher Reeve wearing your glasses in that one.

  28. HAPPY HAPPINESS TO YOU BOTH! (even if it is a few days late)

    ok, carl, as requested – prepare your notbook for a few interview questions…

    1) What is your favorite movie of all time?
    2) Where did you get the title of your blog from?
    3) Should you always wait an hour after eating before going swimming? Why or why not?
    4) How many fingers am I holding up?
    5) What moment in your life do you remember being most at peace with yourself?

  30. Hey, so I had Supes’ style in the 80’s…woo hoo…..!!!!

    In case you don’t know this 5 questions thing started on someone’s sight and has progressed on. I will post my answers and the rules later and everyone who wants to can join in. Its fun!!! I probably won’t get to it until later tonight or early tomorrow though.

    Thanks for the belated wishes, we appreciate it and all the well wishers!

  32. Hey first of all thanks for returning those glasses to my dad. Also you would have to take a picture of me in 2nd grade to see me at 110 pounds (I was husky). Sixteen years!! I didn’t know that. Mary hasn’t changed much but buddy… Were you trying to BE George Lucas? Also kudos to Rob for noticing the Royal Rangers logo. You should see one on a t-shirt being worn by a kid whose belly stretched the logo enough to change the colors. My leader asked me once, “Tommy what do you like to do when you’re not in school? I said instantly and honestly “Eat and watch T.V.”. Well said.

  35. George was my hero…. 🙂 At least you were honest Tom! I remember the first few months we were married I gained 20 lbs (fried chicken and fried potatoes was a favorite meal that I frequently got Mary to make) and I remember being mortified that I had gained so much….good Lord I’ll never see that weight again!!!

    Double thanks to you Kelly Sue!

  36. I’ve never seen your wedding pix, Tom. I’ll have to get Karen to show me some. James and Julie were married around that time too. Boy does James look like a toothpick. Julie, of course, looks perfect juat like she does now.

  37. Awesome post, Carl! Loved the pics. It’s great to look back and see where we came from and where we are now, isn’t it?

    I would say that you two just get better and better. You guys are great friends to have! Happy Anniversary.

    I’ll show you some pics of us sometime, Mary. I had the same hairstyle that you did.

  38. Belated happy anniversary! You two are so very cute! And Mary, look at those curls! But the smiles on your faces then and now tell the tale!

    And I think Tori will be making or at least designing her own dress if she has her way and things go according to her plans!

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