(Abby with her first child, Motley, circa 2005)

Everyone please join me in wishing my one and only baby sister a Happy Birthday!

Roughly 26 years and 9 months ago, on a sunny afternoon, my brother and I were riding in the backseat of our car when we got the news. My mother turned and announced that we would not be able to have our own rooms as planned because she was pregnant. I honestly have no memory of what I felt about this but my memory of being told the news is very vivid. Several months later I recall being awakened in the dark of night and rushed off to the Osborn’s house. Later that morning we received a call informing us that we had a baby sister. I recall being quite pleased as I really wanted a little sister.

Despite an early incident in which I was struck unceremoniously on the head with this clock:

(her childish innocence belied her true murderous intentions), she was actually a very sweet and fun child. I was 11 when she was born and I remember taking great pride in giving her rides around our neighborhood in her stroller. Mike, a neighborhood kid, had a little sister slightly older than Abby and we used to pretend that we were racing them around the block. They both had chubby little legs so we dubbed his sister Moose and Abby, Ham-legs. It was great fun!

I recall nights of being by her bedside during storms when she was scared so that my parents wouldn’t have to get up and I recall torturing her with her baby Snuggles on vacation car rides. I remember the first movie I took her to, An American Tail, in which she fell asleep before the show was over. I also recall a moment recently mentioned by my mother in the comments section in which Abby was along with my best friend and our girlfriends as I spun a cookie around a light pole in town in order to turn around to go back to the grocery store and pick up the milk my mom asked me to get…this is the incident that Abby was not supposed to share with my parents.

My brother Jason and I had alot of fun with Abby over the years. Looking at old home movies recently we had a good laugh at her little tiny voice and her desire to have everyone’s attention. Abby was a good one for bringing up the amourous moments of previous girlfriends in the presence of the current girlfriend. She really was and is a precious sister.

I have always felt sad that I went several states away for college when Abby was very young and I missed out on a lot of her childhood. I think that is one of the many reasons why we are such a close family. The feelings I have for both of my siblings really intensified after I left home and I’m so glad they are both living close by now.

Abby, you share your birthday with the incomparable Martha Stewart and Martin Sheen and on this date in:

1492 Columbus set sail

1858 the source of the Nile was discovered

1914 the first ship sailed through the Panama Canal

and in 1958 the world’s first nuclear submarine, the U.S.S. Nautilus accomplished the first ever undersea voyage to the geographic North Pole!

Happy 26th birthday, ham-legs. You are a wonderful, marvelous sister. I’m very proud of you and your accomplishments. You are so much fun to be around and I enjoy being able to spend time with you as an adult. You have wonderful decorative taste and even picked a tolerable husband (just kidding, Mike is wonderful too! 🙂 ) I love you so very much and am forever thankful that I had to share a room with Jason so that I could have a baby sister. Have a wonderful birthday, Sweet Baboo!

(Shane and I circa 1987, picture by Penny Frazier, art and photog. teacher)

My daughter was working on her portion of The Great Basement Clean Up a few days ago and came across my old high school yearbook and my Senior Class Memory book. I arrived home late Monday night to find the memory book on my computer desk with a note from my wife that simply said “Gina, Gina, Gina”. Gina was my high school girlfriend and I gathered from the note that she was a focus of many of the ‘memories’ in my book.

Ready for a trip down memory lane I opened the book and had a good long laugh. I attended Madison Jr.-Sr. High School in Madison, Nebraska for my junior and senior years of high school. Jr. year was a transitional period, getting to know kids at a new school, etc. Senior year was another thing entirely. As I explained to Mary I have very vivid memories of that entire year. Walking into school that first day of senior year was a magical experience. Our school was fairly small (41 in my graduating class) and we knew each other quite well. That first day the senior class sat down with teachers, etc. to plan the activities for the year, pick graduation colors, look at class ring stuff, etc. It was a perfect start to what would really be an amazingly fun year. I’ll try no to bore you with high school reminiscing, but I found the stuff in my memory book so funny that I have to share.

First of, Gina was indeed prevalent throughout its pages. One two-page spread was for recording what you did on each holiday throughout that year and each one recounts time spent with Gina. I’m probably best leaving off the discussion there, right dear? 🙂

In describing the feeling our school generates I wrote: A lot of kids are proud of our school yet there’s a few losers in the bunch!

The best thing about being a senior was: Being on top and getting to be first at everything. You also have a lot more freedom and fun!

Of my personality I said: I like to goof off a lot, but I can really be a grouch sometimes, especially if people annoy me. I like to help people and I love to make people smile!

(Let me interject that I use the term “goofing off” quite liberally throughout this book as it appears that it was one of my prime ambitions. Its amazing how little things have changed in 18 years!)

Here’s a few more highlights from the About Me page:

I’m mischievous enough to: show my underwear during County Government Day speeches, skip school and mess around, steal orange road pylons (oooh, what a rebel!)

I like to wear: bright colored sweaters and faded 501’s. Suit coat, tie and jeans. Hooded sweatshirts and jeans. (quite the fashion expert!)

I’m first to: yell at referees at Madison games, join in a chance to goof off, get in an argument over my opinions, dance at Doc & Eddy’s Teen Nights. (I was part of a small clan notorious for swearing riotously at school sporting events. And it is funny, I hate debating about things now.)

My most unforgettable moment: Being called “bungholes” and “assholes” by Coach Kuhl with 3 of my classmates. (This occurred at a track event towards the end of school. If I recall correctly several of us were hanging out of windows in the car as we pulled into the parking lot yelling pro-Madison stuff. He actually did use both of those terms in his tirade towards us and we laughed hysterically after he stormed off)

I obviously had great insight into my poor spending habits back then because my 5 and 10 year prognostications involved my hope that I would be better with money (not all wishes come true kids!). In 5 years I saw myself “better built and in better shape” (keep in mind I was a whopping 112 lbs then!), attached to (you know who!), and driving a Trans Am!

In 10 years I saw myself as:
financially mature and stable, a little better built and better looking.
Making 59,000 per year
Recently married, no kids, and vacationing in Paris, Hawaii, or the Virgin Islands

I’m giggling uncontrollably….

The things I thought I was good at were: writing, art, singing, not studying, goofing off, making people laugh, getting flat tires, and spending money. (I did have an art for running over nails, etc)

I wanted to learn to: dance real well, skydive, hanglide, fly an airplane, make easy money, and study. (I was an A student but had terrible study habits)

I daydream about: the weekend, my girlfriend, past fun times, being a hero, being rich.

My favorite expressions were: eat my shorts, hose, smile, and cheer up. (If memory serves it seemed to be a regular habit to tell girls passing in the hall to smile or cheer up…don’t recall why.)

My favorite time wasters were to: doodle on notebooks, sit and daydream, watch TV, listen to music, drive around, and spend money.

I was a very involved kid, trying to cram 4 years of high school into only 2! Each year at Madison I took more classes than there were periods (independent study) and I was involved in every play, choir, several musical groups, and the yearbook committee. I was…and still am…very proud of my and Shane’s idea to base our senior yearbook on Mad Magazine:

Shane was a great caricature artist and this is a perfect likeness of our prinicpal.

I was also proud of one of me and my friends most long lasting sessions of “goofing off”: The formation of the club SPA (see the description below the picture)

Shane, Bob, Darren, and I formed SPA one day in chemisty class and it just stuck around throughout the year. Each of us was paired with another…hence the name ‘siamese’…and Darren made membership cards on his computer that showed a picture of an elephant, the name of the group, and our slogan “To share a nose is to be a friend”. We even had a club greeting which involved raising our ‘trunks’, making an elephant noise and adding the word “snorkle” to the end. I’m sorry, I can’t explain it…it was a high school thing. I still have my membership card!

What struck me the most in reading all this was the memories of how outgoing and, at times, un-self conscious I was. Shane and I used to make up schedules for different theme days where we would dress the same way in often silly attire and invite others to participate. I wasn’t afraid to speak up in class and share my opinion. I was friends with everyone, from truly nerdy to the most popular. It really was a wonderful time.

Well, thanks for letting me share. I enjoyed it thoroughly and promise a quick return to our regularly scheduled programing!

Not many days past I shared with you this heartwarming story of triumph. Like an underground railroad for the insect community I transported that dear bug across the city lines, liberating it from its oppressive environment and relocating it to its place of destiny. And all was right with the world. At least that is what my simplistic mind believed.

My naivete was cruelly shattered this weekend. It seems the call for retaliation had went out in the bug community and a hit was ordered. Saturday afternoon found me in the front yard, innocently watering my hosta. I should have been viewed as a saviour. One hundred plus degree temperatures make water a precious commodity and here was I, raining it down upon plant and insect alike, parting the windows of heaven to bring this life giving substance. The afternoon bliss was shattered when my enemies took this opportunity to strike and one of their number stung me quickly and forcefully in the index toe of my left foot. It all happened so quickly that I did not get a good view of my attacker.

Stinging soon turned to swelling and I spent the better part of Saturday evening with a very sore, very swollen foot. The soreness has went away but the swelling remains.

Showing remarkable moxie I got up Sunday morning and returned to the neighborhood of the crime. I swear I could here the laughter of my invisible assailant so I took the opportunity to send a message of my own and killed a very large mafioso-type spider crawling along the wall of the house. I won’t be intimidated.

Though expecting to wake up with the head of a grasshopper in my bed, this morning proved uneventful. Begun, this Insect War has…..