The ever elusive Mysfit

posted this on the Fish site the other day and I begged permission to not only encourage you to go over there regularly, but to also post about this on my site. She generously agreed so I give credit where credit is due. The following alien encounter was brought to my attention by Mysfit!

I know that all you science fiction geeks out there haven’t had enough of Star Wars. I also know that the male geeks among us would never pass up the opportunity to learn how to woo the ladies. These two facts established, it gives me great pleasure to inform you that all your prayers are answered. Gentlemen, there is a way to combine your love of Star Wars with your desire to be a babe magnet! And for you married or attached gents there are lessons to be learned to keep the ways of the force strong in your relationship. One man and one man alone has figured out the secret to the questions that have haunted the Star Wars male since the day he first discovered his lightsaber! And that man is:

the Elvis Trooper

Yes men, the Elvis Trooper has figured out the secret to attracting the Star Wars hottie. Don’t believe me? Check out his photo sections here!(scroll down). Here is another direct link to proof of the Elvis Troopers’ power! Notice as you gaze at these pictures that many of the various females that the Elvis Trooper has locked in his tractor beam are actually snuggled up to him quite cozily…they don’t appear to be under any force powers of suggestion…they seem generally happy to be posing with him. Further proof can be seen in that other galleries of other conventions find some of the same women getting their picture taken with Elvis. The man has figured out the secret combination! This is akin to the guy who mixed chocolate and peanut butter to come up with Reese’s peanut butter cups! The man is a genius!

And his power isn’t just limited to the fairer sex, oh no sir! Look at this:

Those are actual Star Wars celebrities posing with the Elvis Trooper! Men, study this site well. Take notes. Conduct research. Make plans. This magical combination of Elvis and Star Wars is the key to better and more fulfilling relationships! Start growing out that hair and begin your internet search for a storm trooper outfit and some cool 70’s shades! Hot geek women are going to be throwing themselves at you single men! Wives, no longer will you have to put up with a Wookie in the tree house! And husbands…don’t be surprised to find a Slave Leia in your Sarlacc Pit of Love tonight!

I close with this. Not only has Elvis Trooper forever changed my married life, but he has also done the one thing that millions of Star Wars fans were unable to do:

The Elvis Trooper has left the building….

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another:
What! You, too? Thought I was the only one.”
-Clive Staples Lewis, novelist and essayist (1898-1963)

Last Thursday evening found us at the home of James and Julie (Jimmy’s House and Percolations) for the first big BBQ of the season. We were privileged to be joined by Rob and his sister Melissa. Rob and Melissa are life long friends of James and Julie and they also went to school with my wife Mary. I had conversed with Rob via this blog and his blog since the start of the year and had heard stories (good ones, don’t worry Rob!) before so it was a great pleasure to actually meet them both and spend the evening with them. It is odd to meet someone that you’ve had so many internet contacts with but have never seen. Odd in a good way, of course. Tom and Karen, fellow friends and commentors on this blog also joined us. It was a wonderful evening and James made excellent BBQ…chicken, hot dogs, sausage, and pork steak…man it was good!!! Julie made her excellent broccoli pie and Karen made a delicious chocolate cream pie dessert.

I was able to get my first kid fix of the weekend playing with James’ and Julie’s fabulous foursome (all girls) and Tom and Karen’s trio (2 boys, 1 baby girl). I rarely see Tom and Karen’s kids so it was really fun to get Jaden to bond with me and to snuggle with baby Evely. All of you fellow blog readers were in our thoughts and conversations and we wish you could’ve been there as well.

“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Friday night was Boy’s Night In as James and I got together to eat BBQ leftovers (still great a day later!), drink beer and watch:

Fun, cheesy revenge movie. More “classic” one liners than even the great George Lucas managed with the Star Wars films. Cartoonish violence with a dose of Rebecca Romijn-Stamos and a fat guy singing opera thrown in for good measure.

AND

Saw was a much better suspense/horror film than either of us had anticipated. I have seen it compared in reviews to The Ring and The Others. I would agree that it has those same intensity levels but it is more violent. It was, however, less violent than we had anticipated and had a very entertaining storyline. The acting talent was top notch and somewhat surprising for a film of this genre. I don’t really want to review it as to do so would take away from the fun of the film. I would only say that if you like very suspenseful movies and can do with a little blood then don’t pass this one up. It was quite a surprise.

“True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and choice.”
– Samuel Johnston

Sunday I was invited over to Jeff’s house to watch the extras on the outstanding Frank Frazetta documentary Painting with Fire.

We had both seen the documentary on separate occasions and felt that we were probably the only 2 people that we knew who would be geeked about the extras. (Frank Frazetta is poised to be the second person featured in my Artisan Series, so stay tuned!)

Having only been to his house once I drove by twice before realizing where it was. I was only saved from continued passes by the fact that his two children, Zach and Ashley, had their faces pressed up to the window looking for me. I was enthusiastically welcomed by both children despite only having seen them briefly on two occasions. They were quite hysterically funny and between them and the cat Molly, my all day blanket, I felt very much at home. Jeff’s wife Keri joined us for the last half of the documentary extras and we all had a wonderful time. The Smith family are relatively new friends but feel like good old friends and I feel very blessed to know them.

All in all it was a great weekend to celebrate friendship and I could never adequately put into words what each of the people mentioned in this post mean to me.

“Think where man’s glory most begins and ends, And say my glory was I had such friends.”
– William Yeats

I was pondering Spongebob the other day (hey, the drive to and from work can’t always be used for high intellectual pursuits) and thinking about the fact that one of the reasons I enjoy the show so much is the euphemisms. Let’s face it, swearing, in one form or another…whether using the actual “cuss words” or using euphemisms…is satifsying on some level or we wouldn’t all do it. It wasn’t socially acceptable to swear in my family growing up but we were liberal users of the word “crap”. We still are. In Mary’s home using the word “crap” would’ve been tantamount to stabbing someone in the eye! I love the usage of the words “Barnacles!” and “Tartar Sauce!” as cuss words in Spongebog. I laugh like a giddy schoolgirl every time it happens…I can’t help it, at the foundation of my intellect I still have a very puerile mind. With that in mind, and against my better judgement I give you The Always Amazing Euphemism Generator. I warn you that the euphemisms are mostly sexual in nature, for example: “Cross-examination revealed that he had a great deal of experience pleasing the short stainless steel alien.” I apologize but I stumbled across this last night, giggled guiltily, and now I share it with you. At the very least I know Tom will enjoy it!

For those of you not sick of Star Wars I suggest you rush out to your local store to pick up Dark Side M&M’s. They are dark chocolate versions of the regular and peanut M&M’s. The new Chocolate MPire website is really cute. The packages are decorated with fun sayings like “If they only knew the power of the Peanut” and the website has a fun little trailer, games, etc.

M&M’s are delicious anyway and I LOVE dark chocolate so I’ve quickly devoured both bags that Mary bought for me. I need more!

Lastly, there is an interesting post with comments over at the Sheila Variations site about the sanitizing of children’s activities and the culture of “everyone wins” that is so rampant today. It is a great post. Read it and comment.

(Alyssa and Tori…being teenagers)

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. ~Fran Lebowitz

I am the parent of a teenager. In all truth my daughter Tori does not become a teenager until 8:11 p.m. tonight, but that’s just semantics. Its June 1st and she is thirteen years old today. What on God’s green earth could have possibly happened to the time between her entrance into the world and today? I sure don’t remember thirteen years passing…have I been under some kind of child-induced anesthetic for all these years only to wake up now?!?! Its not that I feel any older today but it sure feels bizarre, this concept of having a teenage child in my house.

My daughter has been a real blessing. All I ever wanted was a little girl and I was so happy and content when my wife gave birth and the doctor announced that we had a daughter. Perhaps that’s why we stopped having kids after just one. We both got what we wanted and decided not to tempt fate? I don’t know but I can say that overall she has been relatively easy to care for and, though she has her ‘moments’, those moments are few and far between. I’ve especially enjoyed her this past year. She is old enough to do things that we want to do without too much complaining and still young enough to enjoy being a child. Like every child she vacillates between wanting to do very grown up things and wanting to be a child. Conversations over the past year have touched on boys and make-up and appropriate standards of dress…typical things that have gone well thus far without causing me too many gray hairs. I find myself wondering today, however, if there is a one-stop shop that sells firearms and chastity belts.

I’m not sure if raising a teenager today is any harder than it was when I was young. Conventional wisdom would say that it is although I remember giving my parents fits during my rebellious years. Time will tell. For now the biggest battles are in trying to find clothes that are “cool” and actually cover more of the body than a small bandaid.

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they do now. ~Will Rogers

Happy Birthday, Tori! You’ve been the child that we’ve always dreamed of and its been such a pleasure to parent you these past 13 years. I love you more than you know and more than I tell you on a daily basis. You make me proud and make me happy that I’m a father. I pray that your teenage years are truly the best time in your life and that you enjoy every moment of them. (And please follow your mother’s teenage example, not mine…please!!!) Enjoy your day of celebration! I love you, sweetie.